Thursday, January 12, 2012

Who am I doing this for?

When I lost weight in my early twenties it started out as something to do for my boyfriend then I finished in spite of the ex-boyfriend. I lost a bit prior to out wedding for obvious reasons. The last two times I lost weight was ironically when I was pregnant with the kids. I ate MUCH MUCH healthier - why? Because of the babies - my sweet innocent babies who had no control over anything. Add in that I had gestational diabetes and needed to really watch what I ate. And I did - pretty religiously. It wasn't about ME being healthy - it was about me controlling what I ate so THEY would be healthy. And they were. Thank you God.

I have thought maybe now I could convince myself to get my act together and it still be about the kids. About being there for my children - be able to be the amazing mother, the roll on the floor and wrestle, the go for hikes, the go swimming, the bike ride loving, the mother they deserve. Not this pile of nothing mother they have. (Granted I do know I'm a good mom and they know they are loved.)

So now here I sit - yesterday I received my third reminder to get my fasting blood sugar tested so I can make sure I don't still have diabetes. I'm too scared, but I need to do it. I don't want that label - the label my mom has (type 2.) Maybe doing this test is my first step to realizing that I need to do this for ME. Maybe not. I don't know if it will until I take the test though, obviously.

Maybe tomorrow... maybe... next week maybe...

1 comment:

  1. I'm so proud of you for getting it checked! I know it's a big step to overcome that fear and face the truth - and so glad that the results turned out good :0)

    And you're not a "nothing" mother - you are one of the most amazing mothers I know -- you are always bringing educational moments and activities into your home and filling your home with love in so many ways -- remember that. Your kids do not look at you as anything but their mom who loves them. That's what they see. That's what they will ALWAYS see ;0) JUst remember that!